Transcending The Ego: The Difficult Awakening Into Responsibility

Reaching the Infinity State for the very first time can be a daunting experience: by connecting to the universe’s neuralink one suddenly becomes a mirror for the vastness, reflecting anything and everything, both good and bad, including all the joy and all the pain that has ever existed.  For a moment the Vastness turns the individual into a projector, a wormhole through which it has found an outlet to finally reach them and tell them all that it wanted to say for a very long time.  It wants to show them where they have come from, and what they are part of.  One who can link to the Infinity State will feel immeasurable pain, the pain of everything that has ever died, the pain of every injustice, every crime, every extinct individual, moment, or species.  Yet at the same time they will feel incredibly wealthy once they realise that they are part of this crazy, beautiful world of infinite joy, and infinite pain.  This realisation is transformative beyond words.

It is no wonder why many people are afraid of their Infinity State: the sheer sensory overload, loss of control of the ego, are too frightening to attempt.  They are afraid to lose themselves momentarily so that they can see the Vastness.  For the average person indoctrinated into human supremacy, the Infinity State is a trip into a void, into nothingness: because they fail to recognise anything outside of their ego.  For these people, it is too late.  The ego has long ago trapped them, condensed then into hard, pitch-black neutron stars, made them so small, so incapable of feeling anything other than the things that they are in control of within their tiny sphere.

The ego was created as a protection mechanism against the trauma of death, and this is why it is extremely difficult to let go.  Our civilisations have gone to absurd lengths to protect the ego, convincing humans that they do not share the same mortal fate as other beings: there is an after party for you in Heaven with free admission and free drinks.  But before you die, you can live in denial of your death with the help of consumer goods, success, and a busy schedule that helps you avoid the frightening realisation of your mortality, and your insignificance within the Vastness.  The most intelligent species on the planet had managed to con itself into believing all of this fairy tale bullshit, because it didn’t have the humility, or courage, to accept its humble place within the ecosystem.  We have invested so much into our denial of death that it is very difficult for us to see through our own lies.

Our toxic narratives of conflict, domination and supremacy have all come from the same place: the ego.  We have declared war against everything natural or “wild” which might remind us of our mortal origins: that we may simply be just one of 10 million species who face the same exact problems every day: food, survival, happiness.  We have become so small, so isolated from the vastness of nature that we are beginning to fade.  To maintain our supremacy fantasies, we have chosen to live fast and die young within a toxic civilisation which assaults us physically and mentally during every waking moment of our existence.

The catalyst to waking up from our tormented consumatronic state is compassion towards ourselves.  We need to realise that, by continuing to sustain this necroeconomy, we are ultimately harming not only the planet but ourselves. Our civilisation is one, big, trauma response from a species who grew up afraid, tried to do the best for itself, and in the process became engaged in self-harming habits.  Once you see this self-harm, you lose your appetite for continuing to live in this civilisation.  You decide to give yourself the compassion which this exploitative system never gave you.  It is a vulnerable moment, one where you need to make the brave decision to put the drug syringe down and let go of the narcotics of the necroeconomy.  Most of us will never get this far, seeing only a glimpse of this freedom before we escape back into the self-destructive distractions of the consumaverse.  Perhaps we’ll be more lucky on the next attempt.

But even for those of us already bravely rejecting the necroeconomy, the process is very painful.  It involves rejecting large parts of ourselves, including denouncing the skills we had to invent, develop and condition in order to survive in the madhouse of the toxic psychonomy.  We licked our wounds, chinned up, and became the successful businessman, the diligent worker, the conniving politician.  We decided to trick the system in order to survive in the cruel and colourful consumaverse, but we paid the ultimate price: losing ourselves along the way.  We became the person we were initially only supposed to pretend to be, falling prey to self-deception and self-harm. For many of us, this impostor personality is all that we have left.  It naturally feels counter-intuitive to reject this part of us who was strong, successful, and ruthless in their ambition.  We learned to thrive in this toxic system, and this is a skill we don’t want to abandon.  We have invested so much into our fake self, that it would be suicide to take the mask off now.  But we have to do it, because this person is not us.  It is a person digging their own hole.  The consumatronic human is a wounded being, a tormented zombie who will never find peace, however many things they purchase, however much career success they achieve.  Because they are fake, and they feel empty.  They know that they have let themselves down.  This is again the point where self-compassion is key, as we begin a conversation with ourselves:  will I be happier as a consumatron? Or as an awakened consciousness connected to the Vastness, the energy of this planet?

For those of us who have managed to step at least one foot out of the necrosystem, there is a feeling of peace.  In time, there is a renewed vitality as we allow our real self, the one we wounded, to re-emerge and flourish. For some of us this may mean changing careers, for others, simply existing as an awakened Infinity State.  In this higher consciousness, we have a new sense of responsibility.  We suddenly realise how much we have destroyed on this Earth.  And although this realisation comes with endless grief, it is also the beginning point of conscious intention.  Because after the grief, there is work to do.  There is responsibility towards the Vastness.  And for the first time, our purpose feels real, and selfless.  We are not servicing the planet-killing machine, but the Vastness. 

At least this is the goal.  Rediscovering our link to the Vastness is what awakens us to responsibility. There is no “us” and “them” anymore.  We are them, and they are us. Our new-found responsibility, our new perspective, can awaken us into actions which now benefit the Universe as a whole, not only the self.  This is why so many self-aware humans who have accessed the Infinity State had no choice but to become activists.  Any courage they may have lacked, they found it in the Universe, which was now firmly nested within them.  They discovered unlimited compassion towards everything that is part of the creation and followed their calling to work for the good of the greater Universe. By transcending our oppressive ego, we cease to be passive observers of what happens to us.  We become owners, creators of what is possible within the Vastness.  There has never been a more urgent need for us to awaken: to search deep inside of us for a completely different human: one who sees unity in the universe instead of conflict, and who can see themselves as a potential unifying force, as opposed to an unfortunate glitch in Earth’s history.

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George is an author, researcher, molecular biologist and food scientist. You can follow him on Twitter @99blackbaloons 

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